Mother Sofronia is the Abbess of the Monastery of St. Silouan the Athonite in Iasi, Romania. She is the spiritual daughter of Mother Siluana Vlad and directs the sisterhood established by Mother Siluana in Iasi. This is a fragment from a talk by Mother Sofronia on the topic of guilt and repentance.
We have two types of guilt: a healthy guilt and an unhealthy one.
Healthy guilt is the reaction of the healthy soul before an action that contradicts the word of God, the Gospel, the words we received from our spiritual father in Confession or some moral norms. It is natural and normal for a healthy soul to feel guilt. When the soul is ill, of course, it can do harm to others or to one’s self and not feel any guilt.
But I will talk first about this healthy guilt. I do something–and so, guilt has to do with doing, not with being. I do something against the Gospel, the words I received, or some moral norm–and my soul is troubled. How do I experience this? Because I can experience this healthy feeling in a healthy or unhealthy way.
The healthy way is when I see that I harmed you, I understand that I harmed you, and my soul is troubled. And then what I need to do is ask God for the courage to take responsibility for what I did, to ask for forgiveness, and to repair what I did–because, if I stole your money, of course, it is very important to confess that I stole them, but it would be even better to give it back to you! And if I don’t have them anymore, I need to start saving so I can give them back to you in a few months, for example. This caused the feeling of guilt to disappear from my heart–because I identified the harmful action, took responsibility, said, “Forgive me,” and made amends.
So, we see that asking for forgiveness is not enough for me. It is great to take responsibility for what I did and admit it honestly, but it is also important to repair and not do it anymore. What happens if I tell you right now, “Forgive me for stealing your money,” and you start trusting me, but then I steal it again? The feeling of guilt becomes even more oppressive.
Therefore, healthy guilt is the guilt where the soul recognizes that it did something wrong and corrects it. This is how I experience this guilt before other people, but many times, I feel this guilt in my relationship with God. And then, of course, I also ask for forgiveness in my relationship with God–through personal prayer and Confession.
How can we experience this guilt before God in a healthy way? It is the difference between remorse and repentance. When I experience it in a healthy way, I repent. That is to say, I admit I made a mistake, but I do not keep looking only at my mistake. I also look at God’s mercy, which gives me the strength to make a new beginning. remorse is when I see that I made a mistake, but my mistake seems so great to me that I feel there is nothing more I can do, and I fall into despair.
We can also see the difference between how the Holy Apostle Peter and Judas experienced their falls. Both of them fell just as gravely. Do not think that Saint Peter’s fall was any less serious. The Holy Apostle Peter swore and cursed himself that he did not know the Lord Jesus Christ, and Judas betrayed Him. They were both aware of their deeds, and they both felt guilty in their souls, but they experienced this guilt differently.
If you ever went to Jerusalem, or if you ever go there, there is a place there that is not always visited: it is the place where the Holy Apostle Peter denied Christ. I like that place very much. There is a small chapel there–of course, the main church is Roman Catholic–but there is a small chapel in the basement where three Orthodox icons show Saint Peter’s denial.
The second icon shows very well the moment when the Lord Jesus Christ looks at Saint Peter, and Saint Peter looks at Christ. Saint Peter’s gaze was not directed at himself: “What did I do? I denied the Lord, of Whom I said I will accompany Him unto death, and then I told a servant girl I do not know Him!” Saint Peter did not look only at this; there was this meeting of gazes, where Saint Peter’s gaze met Christ’s gaze, and this turned his guilt into repentance.
Whereas, what did Judas do? He made amends for his deed–that is to say, he went to the chief priests and told them: “I have sinned in that I have betrayed innocent blood” and returned the money. And so, his guilt prompted him to do something about it, to try to correct his action in a way–but he did not look at Christ’s mercy. And then Judas fell into despair, and we all know what he did.
This difference between repentance and remorse is very important. I can experience my guilt before God as either repentance–by looking at His mercy, or remorse–by looking only at my sin.
There is a poem I like very much, written by Marius Iordachioaia. I will read it to you because it shows this difference very well. It is called “The trial”:
There comes a despair that closes down your soul
And carries it to the utmost depth of darkness.
The one who thinks of himself and his sin
Is filled with fear and perishes.
The one who thinks that Christ descends there to seek him
Is filled with love and is resurrected.
I think the difference consists in how we experience our fall before God: do I experience it as repentance, or only as remorse that brings despair with it and does not change me.
So, healthy guilt occurs when the soul feels it did something wrong and corrects it before man and before God.