Mother Siluana: Why do I start feeling bad after I pray?

The fact that you start feeling bad after praying for a longer time is a sign of a good prayer.

Question:

Why do I start feeling bad after I pray for a longer time with the prayer “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me”?

Mother Siluana:

My dear, God created us to be a link between the seen and unseen worlds. We have in our being elements from the material world, and we also have an immaterial soul, just like the angels. At the same time, we are a link between the created world (seen and unseen) and the Creator, through the uncreated energies. In this role, we are “transformers”: we receive the uncreated energy (the grace) from God through our mind (nous), which then generates and nourishes the thoughts and deeds that are embodied in our reality. If we do not connect our minds to God, we will receive energies from the spirits of darkness and transform them into thoughts and then into deeds that will influence our reality.

The solution for getting out of the suffering you mentioned is connecting yourself to God through the Holy Sacraments and “metabolizing” the grace you receive through prayer. This way, all we have, physical and psychological, will be penetrated and transfigured by grace and become spiritual. And so, your part consists in giving to God all that is yours – mind, feelings, sensations – so that they can be transfigured, become more spiritualized, and thus change your reality – both internal and external.

The fact that you start feeling bad after praying for a longer time is a sign of a good prayer. It is proof that grace has penetrated your bad “nooks” to heal them. They are within you, they have been kept in darkness, and now you are called to offer them to God, to offer them to the grace of God so it can heal them and transform them into something good.

And then, when you are attacked by the thought that “you can do nothing,” you can put this attack to good use and say: “Yes, Lord, I can do nothing without You. Come to me, O Lord; thank You, Lord, for coming to me.” Of course, if you do not allow yourself to entrust yourself to Him fully, that means you still want to “take a sip” from the strong drink of resisting and straying away.

But I have great trust in your longing for the Lord, and I know that you will overcome all with Him, in Him, with His great mercy! May you be blessed!

With love and prayer,

Mother Siluana