Mother Siluana Vlad: This is not Life!

"I want to tell you one more thing: so that we can truly start praying, we need to realize that this is not life."

Mother Siluana Vlad - This is not life!

Fragment from a conference translated by Grig Gheorghiu

I want to tell you one more thing: so that we can truly start praying, we need to realize that this is not life. As long as we say: “That’s life!” or “That’s fine the way things are”, we don’t need to pray except for “Lord, keep my cattle alive”, or “Give my daughter a husband” - that is to say, we have some problems and we ask God for help.

But, if we want the kind of prayer that God commands us to have, we need to look at our life and say “This is not life!” We feel inside that we are not only called to eat and flush the toilet, or to eat and then rot in a hole in the ground. We feel this inside ourselves, we feel it in a real, concrete way - we don’t just think about it, because then we think, “That’s fine the way things are.” But we feel inside ourselves an emptiness that we try to fill with entertainment, with conversations, with philosophy, with art, with alcohol, with sausages - each one of us with whatever we find that can fill that emptiness where we feel that this life is not enough for us.

And then - I know that God is life. The Savior says “I am the Life.” But I have no instrument, we have no instrument - not our mind, not our heart, nothing - we have no instrument in our current life by which to approach God. He comes and gives us His instruments. And He says: “Whoever eats Me has life in him.” And then I say: “What should I do to eat Him? What needs to happen for me to eat Him?”

And I come here (to Church) as to a hospital where I ask around: “Where is the operating room? Who is going to treat me… who is the doctor…what do I need to do?” And here I am told what, and when, and where to sit, and how to dress, and how to comb my hair, and how to talk - and I receive all this as being part of the life I yearn for.

If I start saying: “But who am I to put a kerchief on my head, what is so important about wearing a kerchief?” - then it’s over (translator’s note: in many churches in Romania, it is recommended that women cover their heads with a scarf or a kerchief when they are inside the church). You need to start thinking within the guidelines of this other world. You don’t ask any more questions. You can put a kerchief on or not put it on, but stop thinking about it. Ask yourself: “What does God say for me to do so I can eat Him?” If they tell you to put a kerchief on, put it on. If you are allowed to partake of Holy Communion without a kerchief on, do it. Don’t compare yourself with others, because the doctor knows what this one needs and what this other one needs. And so, from outside our darkened life there come to us instructions and teachings that are not ours - and we follow them.

This is the first thing…and the second thing is, “I will call on the Lord’s name.” The Name, if we read the Acts of the Apostles, God’s Name, the Savior’s Name, the Name Jesus Christ is the one who leads me to the life that my heart yearns for. I don’t know how this happens. I don’t know what illumination of the mind means. I don’t know what prayer of the heart means. I don’t know what joy in the presence of grace means. But I know that the life I lead is not like this, and I know that God’s Name repeated as prayer in my heart, in my mind, in everything I am, in this state I am in - it will change my life.

These are realities that come from God to me; I only need willingness. I say: “Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner!” In order to say this, I don’t need a spiritual father, a father who has the prayer of the heart. Because I will say this prayer when I feel like cursing other people. Or when it’s Friday and I feel like eating a sausage: “Lord, Jesus Christ, give me the strength to eat this sausage tomorrow!” Or I feel like drinking one more glass of wine: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, stop me, give me the strength to stop drinking now!” And so here we have no problem, we need no guidance. The Name of the Lord gives us strength to overcome our minds, our cravings, our greed.

This period of purification that the Holy Fathers talk about is done in the Name of the Lord, with the Name of the Lord. We chase our thoughts away with “Lord Jesus Christ, save me!”, and we give our passions and our sins to God, Who lifts them from us for free, without asking us for taxes. He only asks us to give them to Him: “Lord, lift this shame, this sin, this drunkenness from me…” - whatever we have in our life. I go back constantly to Him and He lifts these sins from me in the Sacrament of Confession, and He gives me His mercy and His love. He feeds us through Holy Communion, and He teaches us patience, wisdom and everything good through the Divine Liturgy.

So, the main thing is to analyze our life, to acknowledge that this is not life, and to start doing - with willingness, without compromise, without feeling and without believing in theories - what God tells us to do. And you’ll see that He does not lie.