Mother Siluana Vlad: Our mission in life
We are all His servants and His apostles - each of us wherever we are and whatever we do. From the smallest gestures (especially from the small things) that we do in His name and for Him.
Question:
I am looking for my mission in life, for my purpose on earth. I asked God to show me what He wants from me, what I should do until I die. I fasted for a long time, but in the last six months I have had no clear thoughts about what is true for me.
Mother Siluana:
Yes…this generation wants miracles, signs and miracles. My dear child, give this up and keep a fast according to the holy rules of the Church, and nourish yourself, because you might suffer from a lack of minerals and so you might not feel God’s presence at all! After a well-kept fast, when you taste a little bit of fish, a little bit of blessed meat, and you praise God, then you meet Him in the feast of your taste. Each of us has our own rule - there is a rule for St. Joseph the Hesychast, another rule for Mother Siluana, and another rule for each one of us.
So, what should you do? You should not think anymore. You should transform every thought into prayer. To know God, to see God, we need to be quiet. And our mind is not quiet, it is constantly moving. And so we need to give it a movement that is not ours. Prayer is not ours. The Jesus Prayer is not ours, it belongs to Jesus. And He prays in us, not us. The Holy Spirit prays in us, not us. When we say “Our Father”, it is the prayer of our Savior, it is not our prayer. And when you say “Our Father” aloud, you are quiet - and this is the quietness of the mind which makes God present in our lives.
And give yourself up to His will. What is His will? When you wake up in the morning, brush your teeth, say your prayers, don’t look with anger at your wife or your neighbor, don’t curse when you are in traffic, forgive the ones who persecute you, and when you feel bad offer it to Him so He can send His grace into those feelings, and call to Him everywhere and at all times. We have lots of work to do! This is all!
Oftentimes, when I was saying “Lord Jesus Christ” like a parrot (because at first we say the prayer like parrots; we are all parrots at first - not in the very beginning when we have grace, but afterward) - I was waiting for something to happen, just like you are. I was waiting for something, I was waiting for a change. And then I acquired this interior conviction: “This is all!” This is all! Do you understand? Christ is all. He is present in His name. If His name is present in me, then He is present in me. If I, with my psyche, with my desires, with my passions, am not able to feel Him and celebrate Him yet, this is because I am still ill. It’s the same when I can’t feel the fragrance of flowers because I have a stuffy nose. It doesn’t mean that the flowers are not fragrant.
So we need to be patient for a long time, until we get healed of this spiritual “cold”, until we get cleansed of our demonic pride which doesn’t let us feel God’s grace. This is the faith that gives us life, this is what we have to do. We are all His servants and His apostles - each of us wherever we are and whatever we do. From the smallest gestures (especially from the small things) that we do in His name and for Him. When you do good things, do them in His name, and when you do bad things, pray to Him not to count them against you. I think it is St. John Chrysostom who says to thank God for the good, because it stays with you, and also for the bad because it passes. This is your purpose on earth.
From a conference titled “Sadness will turn into joy” held in Cluj, Romania, on May 10, 2019