Mother Siluana Vlad: Lord, teach me to love!

Cry out: “Teach me, Lord, to love! This hate I feel is hurting me. Teach me to love!” And then God will teach you every morning, and you should say: “What would I do if I loved people?”

Question:

Every time something bad happens to me, some failure, I fall into depression, and I feel I hate everyone. What can I do to stop having this feeling?

Mother Siluana:

Someone says, “I hate myself,” and someone else says, “I hate everyone.” Hate is an innocent feeling in and of itself, but it is the symptom of a grave illness of the soul. I am not happy — I cannot be happy — when I hate. Then I cry out to God: “Lord, teach me to love!” We cannot love “instinctually” - we need to learn it. Love needs to be learned.

Elder [now Saint] Sophrony of Essex once told this story: “A man went to Mt. Athos to ask what he needs to do for his salvation. And they told him there: “You need to love God with all your soul, all your mind, and all your heart, and your neighbor as yourself.” And the poor man said to himself: “I can’t do this! I don’t love God; I fear Him, but I don’t love Him…And I can’t stand my neighbor more often than not. There have to be other methods of salvation - fasting, prostrations, something I can do…” And he went from one Elder to another, crisscrossing Mt. Athos, but he couldn’t find any other method. Then he sat down on a stone and said, with all the despair of someone looking for a solution: “What will I do? I need to save myself. I don’t want to suffer like this for eternity!” And an idea came to him: “I will do what I can. I can do that which I would do if I loved!” And he constantly asked himself: “What would I do now if I loved God?” And he would do it. “What would I do now if I loved my neighbor?” And he would do it.

You do the same. Cry out: “Teach me, Lord, to love! This hate I feel is hurting me. Teach me to love!” And then God will teach you every morning, and you should say: “What would I do if I loved people?” And see what thoughts will come to your mind: you would pray for them. What would I do if I loved my mother? I would forgive her for telling me to take out the trash exactly when I sit down to watch my favorite movie. And so on. And you will witness great miracles!