Fr. Haralambos Papadopoulos: Instead of complaining about the darkness, light a candle!
I need to accept what is happening to me. And I don’t become upset or troubled, I am at peace with what is going on.
Good evening to all! I meet people all the time, and what they tell me and confess to me is that often, in their daily lives, they feel that they collapse psychologically, they are not doing well emotionally, they feel that they have a lot on their minds, they are overwhelmed by a feeling of sadness, a sort of discouragement. They are in a state of acedia, of boredom, nothing moves them, nothing attracts them, they feel overall helplessness and they are in a state of collapse - emotionally, mentally, physically, energetically.
This shows that they have a great problem inside. What is going on in there? They are afraid, they panic about things that have happened to them, they think that something is troubling them, and they somehow need to make it disappear from their lives.
What I have learned from experience and what I have noticed - both in my personal life and in people I meet every day as a psychotherapist - is that there is nothing more natural than this phenomenon. Is it possible for someone to have things always go well in this life? Is there any chance that this life is paradise? Then why did Christ come? Why did the Word of God become incarnate? Why was Christ crucified, why did He resurrect if everything was wonderful? If this world contained the supreme meaning of everything? If there was absolute joy, and there was no pain, unhappiness, poverty, or illness, there were no tears and no problems?
Why then did Christ come? Why did He come to deliver us? Why do we say that the eternal Kingdom of God is a kingdom, a communion of joy, light, love, peace, harmony, unity? A state where “there is no pain, no sorrow, and no suffering.” That is, there is no pain, there is no death, there is no illness. Why do we say all these things? Exactly because we don’t encounter them in this life. Because they can’t exist here absolutely, but only partially. There are moments, there are beautiful periods…But this life is full of pain, it is full of grief. This life doesn’t have the answers to all the problems. But, at the same time, it also has blessings, it also has joys! They are like morsels, like a foretaste of the eternal Kingdom that is to come, which has risen in the world after Christ’s Resurrection, and which draws near to us.
But, in this life, these things are not absolute forms. We receive them partially, we foretaste them, we foresee them, we have an initial experience with them which is not constant, nor unchanging, nor absolute! They are changing: we have moments when we are well, and we have moments when we are not well. There are phases which can last one week, two weeks, or one, two, or three months when we feel very good! And there are phases: minutes, hours, or days, but not months - when we don’t feel so good. We don’t need to be afraid of this! This happens to all people! To all! From the ascetic monk on Mt. Athos to the most sinful man! From the people in this country to people on other continents! Anywhere where there are people! Anywhere where there are material things, where there is corruption and death!
Things are constantly changing - day and night, light and darkness, heat and cold. This also happens with our souls and with our feelings. And so, the first thing we need to do is not to be afraid! Not to panic! Not to lose our heads! That is, we are at peace with what is happening to us. We say: “OK, I know what is happening to me, it was to be expected! I can’t be well all the time.” And I accept the state I am in. This very acceptance is our first victory, because, the more we become upset, the more we panic, what happens? Our pain increases. When you become upset and troubled in a time of sorrows and trials, your pain increases automatically.
I need to accept what is happening to me. And I don’t become upset or troubled, I am at peace with what is going on. When you accept it, when you let yourself be carried by the wave of this situation, you will see that the intensity of your problems, of your mental and emotional troubles, will greatly decrease naturally. You will see that the sky of your soul and your heart is covered by clouds that will move around and will then disappear. Then the sun will come out again! It will be sunny again!
So: 1) I accept the situation I am in. 2) I am not scared, I don’t panic. 3) I don’t want to get rid of my problem in any way possible; it doesn’t become an obsession for me, it doesn’t make me restless - because if it does, then it will not go away.
This is very important! My problem needs to not cause agitation in me! It needs to not become an obsession. I need to not keep saying “Go away! Go away!” Which means “I can’t stand this anymore!” I need to not want it to disappear at this very moment or in a few minutes, and look at my watch to see if it disappeared. “I said a prayer. Am I feeling better or not?” “I read an Akathist, I walked around the house…am I much better or worse?” This doesn’t help at all. I will have more anxiety, I will panic more, and I will feel suffocated even more, I will drown in my problems, in my current state of difficulty.
So, it needs to not become an obsession: “when will it disappear?” It will disappear when you forget about it. It will disappear when you stop asking yourself when it will go away. This is the secret! Don’t ask yourself when it will disappear. Don’t ask yourself if you are better, and then you will be better, without noticing it. Everything will happen naturally. God has placed in you everything you need for a reset, for a restart, for finding your rhythm again, your time, your harmony. It will happen by itself. When? When you will run away from your mind, from your thoughts, when you will distance yourself from your restlessness and you will quiet your thoughts, when you will relax and you will allow your soul and your spirit to readapt and confront this difficulty.
And 4) Instead of complaining about the darkness, you will need to light a candle! Instead of complaining about the darkness, you will need to turn on the light! There is no sense in saying: why is this room so dark? Turn on the light! Do something! But don’t grumble! Don’t feel sorry for yourself, don’t protest! Don’t try to set right what is going on by negative means! Do something positive! Because darkness doesn’t have a hypostasis [substance] - when the light comes, darkness dissipates! What does it mean to turn on the light? It means to do healthy things, good things - actions and thoughts that are useful to me. That is, I read a spiritual book, a book I like, I watch a movie, I go for a walk, I take care of my pets, I talk to a friend or my spiritual father, I pray - I do things that are full of light, that are healthy, that bring me energy, that are creative, that allow me to express myself.
Then, when the light will be inside me, without me doing anything, without me becoming upset, without me yelling and struggling against the darkness, then the darkness will cease to exist. When? When I turn towards the light. But without anxiety and obsession. With acceptance, with peace, with much prayer, and with the conviction that everything that is happening to me is natural, and that if I don’t get stuck in my irritation and my anger, if I don’t get stuck in saying continually “why me?” - then this will go away by itself, as it also came. Because this is its nature: to come and go.
God bless you! Christ be with you!
Translated by Grig Gheorghiu
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