Nothing in us - a passion, a sin, a weakness, a transgression - can prevent God from coming into our life, from revealing Himself to us. Why? Because there is nothing that can stop God’s loving care, that can delay His presence. He will be there in the midst of these problems! He will be there in your darkness, in your mistakes, so He can save you, so He can heal you, so He can awaken you, so that you can grow.
He will be there in the midst of things! He will be there in your illness, your wound, your separation, your divorce, your getting fired from your job. God will do His work through all these things! Through your trauma, through your wound, through the bleeding wound of your existence!
God likes and prefers to work with helpless people. Why? Because God and His grace, to find rest in a person, need to find a proper place, a crushed heart. How can light penetrate through an opaque wall? When your heart is made of stone, full of itself, rough, impossible to work with - how will light reach it? How will light penetrate there? St. Paisios from the Holy Mountain used to say: “Do you know what the evil, the hate in man’s heart is like? It is like an insulating material. Just as we insulate a terrace, a house, so that nothing can get in, it is the same with the heart which is insulated through evil and hate, so that grace cannot penetrate it.” Grace can’t get in there. So that grace can come into man’s heart, it needs space that is created through the crushing of the heart, a heart that is “broken and contrite.”
And so, don’t be afraid of falling! Don’t be afraid of pain! Don’t be afraid of being bent over, of having to kneel! Don’t be afraid of difficult moments! Don’t be afraid of long nights! Don’t be afraid of falling into your hell! Don’t be afraid of your hell! Don’t be afraid of your passions, of your sins! Don’t get overexcited, don’t stress yourself, don’t give up fighting! In all these, there is Christ Himself! God is in the midst of those things! He works on your salvation right there, in your hell! In your difficult moments; in your moments of loneliness!
Remember the Cross! Remember the cold wind of loneliness on Golgotha! Remember that all the saints experienced difficult nights, nights with no dawn. We bow down before their halos, we venerate their glory in the Church, but behind these halos, there is loneliness, there is the sweat of the brow, there is effort, there is a hard life. There is no gift without great temptations and great vicissitudes. And so, don’t be terrified when you feel you are torn apart inside, don’t be terrified of your wound!
Don’t be terrified of all these! Don’t be discouraged by the illness of your child! Don’t be discouraged if your child has a special need! God will take it, He will transform it, He will process it, He will change it! When my first son got gravely ill when he was a child, a priest told me at that time: “Do not make the mistake of lamenting your child! Do not make the mistake of commiserating with him or considering him to be a sick child! Don’t show him you are pitying him! This child, who has suffered with no fault of his own from his mother’s womb, will be full of gifts from God! God will give him grace, He will make him full of grace!” And that is how it was and how it is, truly!
But we need to learn to wait! We need to learn patience! We need not fear the night so that dawn can come! We need to understand that night is a process, a part of the coming of the morning! The difficulty you are going through is just a stage you must go through. It is not a curse! It doesn’t mean that God has abandoned you! It is a blessing from God! Maybe you will not be able to understand this at that time, maybe your mind will not accept this, maybe your heart will rebel! This is human! But God is there amid the storm, and He prepares the next day, sunny, with clear skies, full of light!
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Profound and deeply needed wisdom for me. Thank you for sharing it.