Fr. Barnabas Iankos: Sadness is not Repentance
Even if we commit the greatest sin, if we don’t allow sadness to overcome us, then we will find God! What happens if we are overcome by sadness? It is the continuation of our sin...
The greatest problem is sadness. The greatest stumbling block and the greatest demonic temptation is sadness. It doesn’t let us do anything. Our wishes, our desires, and our hardships cause us sadness. Why is there sadness in my self-will? Because my will is not done. My will is not done according to my wish. And hardships: I haven’t managed to do what I wanted…what will I do with my life….who will support me…what path will I take?
So all of these things produce sadness in us, and sadness is the devil’s greatest success. This is why Abba Isaiah talks about sadness. The biggest accomplishment of the devil is sadness, and it has no justification. And Abba Isaiah explains it very well. Let’s see what he says: “Keep watch so that the demon of sadness will not overcome you.” So this is a temptation that we have never taken into consideration. And not only that! We have confused compunction of heart with depression. We have confused repentance - which contains joy - with scowling, which is wounded egotism. And we have confused godly tears with sadness, with vexation.
In this context, the greatest temptation is now sadness. And this is said by none other than the great ascetic Abba Isaiah and explained by Fr. Aimilianos of Simonopetra. “Sometimes sadness comes from a reasonable psychological cause, which can be confirmed by our spiritual father.” Maybe something saddened you - this is justified, we are only human…But Abba Isaiah is not talking about this. He says that in this case, we are not at fault.
But, in general, sadness is a purely demonic element. Abba Isaiah says that, for example, I decide not to eat outside of the common meal time. He gives an example from monastic life, but we can adapt it in any way we want. There is a monastic canon that says that you should not eat before the appointed time; this is also called “eating in hiding”. Five minutes before meal time, I eat a piece of bread and I am sorry about it. In five minutes, I will be able to eat fresh bread with cheese, but I eat my piece of bread now and I am sorry about it. And so, the devil uses this fact and creates sadness in me. But I think that, by being sad, I have repented for eating that piece of bread.
Don’t we imagine things this way? We trespass a commandment and we are sorry. We call this repentance. But it is not repentance! The sadness contained in this is not repentance. I think that by being sad, I have repented of the piece of bread or cheese that I ate. Why is this not repentance? In reality, I have not repented, because sadness always shows a lack of repentance. We get sad because we don’t want to change.
Abba Isaiah says that sadness always shows a lack of repentance. Why? If we repent truly, then we are already free of the sin caused by our passion, and we feel deliverance through feelings of joy and freedom. Sadness occurs because we become upset - not because we have sinned, but because we will miss this chance to enjoy ourselves. This is not repentance!
Or we regret that something didn’t go our way. This is not repentance! Repentance doesn’t mean that I am sorry for not being able to achieve something. Repentance means I regret that I betrayed and I hurt Christ, it means that I want to heal my relationship with Him. When I immediately position myself correctly and I say: “I have sinned!” and my relationship with Christ is healed, then I feel joy. Why feel sadness? Repentance always means the healing of this relationship. And there is joy there. Sadness appears when I do not repent correctly because I am enclosed within myself, I am enclosed in my feeling of guilt, in my wounded egotism, in my fall, and I say: “Woe is me, I really made a blunder!” What is this? Isn’t this being enclosed within myself? Is this an opening up of myself? Repentance means telling the Lord: “I am a wretch! If You want, take me back! I have abandoned communion with You. I am a scoundrel. Have mercy on me!”
Sadness means being sorry for ourselves; it is egotism,being enclosed within ourselves. And at the same time, we regret that we can’t abandon our passions. In reality, we did not repent, because sadness always shows a lack of repentance. We are sorry because we do not want to change. Of course, we can see this in our life experiences. When we want real change, and when we feel that we decided and that our transformation has already occurred, that we have cut away something in our conscience that used to attack our relationship with God - at that moment, we immediately feel deliverance and joy.
What about sadness? It occurs when we have not decided to end things. We are not focused on Christ, on our relationship with Him, and we are enclosed in our egotism. And so, let’s keep this in mind: sadness doesn’t mean repentance, it means a lack of repentance. Sadness is a cover-up, a justification for not taking responsibility for changing ourselves. We only feel sorry for ourselves and we complain so that we cover up this lack of responsibility.
Then, Abba Isaiah says that sadness shows cruelty and lack of kindness. Why? If you repent, then you honor God and you thank Him for receiving you. Your heart is softened, you are grateful. You thank God and you glorify Him because you repented and He received you. If you feel sad instead, it means that you don’t have this spirit of gratitude.
And Abba Isaiah gives some examples. For example, I have an achievement….he actually says something even harsher: “Through sadness, I am shown that I am not obeying anyone else except the devil.” The devil brings sadness to me. Christ brings joy and hope. These things are very clear! So Abba Isaiah gives this example: I have an achievement, and then I feel sad because I thought of something egotistical. Satan brought this sadness to me.
Sadness that comes from life, from other people, from my nature, is always demonic. And what should I do? Should I not feel sad? No, I should not! Many times we feel sad because we feel exposed to people who consider us good, quiet, peaceful, blessed…And then we say: “Woe is me! What did I do? I upset him!” It’s not that we upset him, it's that we feel exposed, and we fear that people will not think highly of us anymore. And so what? Let them never think highly of us! Will the world end? I don’t care! But we do care, we live for this, for our image, for the way we see ourselves or others see us. So…let us feel abased. It’s not such a bad thing.
So Satan brought me sadness: sadness that comes from life, from other people, from my nature, is always demonic. Sadness for my mistakes, for the behavior of people who don’t respect me or don’t value me. And Abba Isaiah gives an example from the life of lay people and brings it into the context of monastic life: “People have the comfort of traveling, of enjoying themselves, of having a good time. Does this bring them joy? Does it scatter their sadness? Never. On the contrary! Their life has even more complications, more labyrinths of sadness.” Because they want to solve a problem, but they don’t have the correct foundation. And the problem will be apparent and will become even more burdensome as time goes by. However, people think that they will be able to vanquish sadness at some point. They have expectations. It’s important to have expectations - to have hope, rather. And monastics live in poverty, they have afflictions and sorrows;it can be very hot in the summer and very cold in the winter in their cells , so they need to pay attention! It’s important for them not to allow poverty and sorrows to bring sadness into their lives. And for all people, sadness weighs them down and prevents them from attaining greater virtues.
Sadness weakens you, it takes your strength away. As St. John Chrysostom says about despondency (which is similar): “Despair and despondency kill your nerves.” They unravel you, and you are not able to do anything anymore. Have you ever seen a sad person who can pray? Have you ever seen an upset person able to give love? That person can’t give love. These are manifestations of egotism. Even if we commit the greatest sin, if we don’t allow sadness to overcome us, then we will find God! What happens if we are overcome by sadness? It is the continuation of our sin. It is our lack of repentance. It is not humility, it is wounded egotism and nothing more.
How will we discern if something happens according to God’s will or not? If that situation brings you true prayer, and a disposition to change, preserve it! But does sadness ever bring with it a disposition to change and to pray? On the contrary, that is when you want to be pampered, when you want sweet talk, when you want to be consoled, so that you can stand comfortably and say: “Ah! I can stand on my own two feet!” Haven’t you seen this in couples? One of the spouses wants to attract the other’s interest and feels sorry for himself or herself. This happens ten times, then becomes routine, then it turns into a fight. Thirty more times, and they divorce.
These are antics that we can do in front of God too. We pretend that we mourn, that we are sad, as if God would pity us for this. God always loves us! Don’t we do the same in our relationships? What do we say in a real relationship? I assume responsibility, I don’t pretend I am distressed to see if the other will pay attention to me. And I look askance at the other to see what will happen and to try the other. If I see that the other has other intentions, I become afraid and I let things go a little, I start smiling and I go back to normal. Is this a true relationship? These are childish imaginations! Ridiculous things!
And we waste precious time in these relationships which could have developed very beautifully. Because we are not honest enough (which would mean we have humility and love) to say: “Yes, I made a mistake. Or I think you made a mistake. Let me explain my thinking, then you can do what you want.” With honesty, dignity, and responsibility. This way shows dignity, the other way shows self-pity.
Translated by Grig Gheorghiu
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This was excellent, thank you.