Elder Sofian: Recollections from the Communist Prisons
I tell you honestly that when I could do all this and could think of my sins, I felt such great joy, peace, and wealth of love in my heart that it was as if I were flying, even though I was in prison.
I was imprisoned in the communist prisons and only God knows how unjust it was there, how much hate, how much evil...It is as though you cannot even describe it in words. Wherever you looked, there was only hatred. But, by God’s mercy, I could pray and was so peaceful! I would pray and it was as if all their hatred was directed at someone else.
When I was greatly tormented, I tried not to revolt, to not protest. I would think: "Let me recall how I’ve sinned before God, for which I am now suffering this injustice.” And I would think about different sins of mine, which only God and I knew, and I saw the suffering as a penance for my sins and did not revolt. A penance that I accepted with full, inner freedom. I would think that I, too, am evil, sinful, and have sinned before God; I would think that maybe I am worse than all the guards combined. I would think that maybe if I were better, they would not be as bad; thus, I, too, was guilty of their evil. When I would think in this way, I no longer felt any bit of revolt in my heart, I would forgive everyone, and I could pray for them. I almost no longer felt the suffering they inflicted on me. I tell you honestly that when I could do all this and could think of my sins, I felt such great joy, peace, and wealth of love in my heart that it was as if I were flying, even though I was in prison.
—Trans. Ioan Gheorghiu from Smerenia și dragostea, însemnele trăirii ortodoxe - ediția a patra (Doxologia: Iasi, 2022), p. 136-137.