A Prayer to Saint John Jacob of Hozeva (Aug 5)

FOR THOSE WHO CAN NO LONGER BEAR THEIR INNER PAIN AND TORMENT

PRAYER OF THOSE WHO CAN NO LONGER BEAR THEIR INNER PAIN AND TORMENT

Holy Father John, I have reached the limit of my strength, and the multitude of my weaknesses and pain in which I lie no longer allow me to have any trace of hypocrisy or self-conceit. Be next to me in this hour of darkness and make the brightness that reveals everything within man rise in me. 

I reached this pitiful state by again and again choosing to remain far from God and doing everything without His help, believing that He is somewhere far away and does not care about people. From the very beginning, I knew that this barely audible thought was a great lie, but my inner disposition, as well as my soul’s wounds and torment, persuaded me to overlook this awareness coming from the power of my conscience. Therefore, I now gather the bitter fruits of despair and sorrow, and their poison drains me of my last ounce of strength. 

Raise me, Most Venerable John, and strengthen me with the grace of the Holy Spirit so I can clearly see my soul’s dark abyss and call upon God to descend into it, and with the brightness of His coming stop my downward spiral into death, taking upon Himself all of my falls, and consuming them with the power of His Resurrection from the dead. 

Help me, Saint John, for my soul is like a carcass, filled with the terrifying stench of my many evil deeds and transgressions; therefore, I confess to you that I loved the darkness of sin more than the light of day. Grant me the strength to experience to the very end the pain of separation from the love of God, so that the most subtle trace of self-love may also disappear, and I may thus taste the hidden humility by which all who entrust themselves to the Lord draw near to Him, confessing that He is the One God, known by men through the Son, Who guides us to the Father, through the activity of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Excerpt from I Hid Myself in the Desert and Tears—Saint John Jacob of Hozeva: Life, Miracles, and Prayers

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